Trask Avenue

Meet Boomer. Boomer is a freak of nature, a furry ball of chromosome confusion. He missed a step on the evolutionary ladder or, if you prefer, was intelligently designed by a being with a strong love of the macabre. By most outward appearances he seems typical. He certainly looks like a cat. He certainly acts like a cat. He’s involved in many of the usual cat escapades. Random jumping, purring, nipping, running, playing. He enjoys cat food and uses the litter box properly. Most observers would consider him normal. Except for one thing.

Boomer doesn’t blink.

Oh I suppose he must blink every now and then. You know, to keep his eyes moist and wash away dust and the like. He must, right? The thing is I haven’t personally witnessed a Boomer blink. He gives the impression he could stare down world leaders if need be. Bin Laden could’ve been eliminated far sooner if Boomer was on the case. I’m not sure if his non-blinking is associated with some sort of eye problem or simply a manifestation of his strong-mindedness. However, I know this: it’s the type of thing that would blow Darwin back to the Galapagos Islands.

Boomer doesn’t even blink when you’d expect, when you’d think it was physically impossible for him to keep his eyes open. For example, when having his photo taken using a flash camera. The flash pops and his eyes remain wide open. It’s like he’s impervious to the bright burst of light which besieged his irises. I’ve never seen that in a cat. It’s freakin’ disconcerting. Heck, most humans I know blink at a camera’s flash, even when they’re aware it’s coming. Not Boomer. He simply continues to stare as if nothing unusual is going on, entranced by whatever is running through his distinctly small cat brain. To him a camera’s flash must seem like just another moment on the catwalk.

Boomer lives with my sister and her family which, I suppose, makes me his two-legged uncle. He has a brother (Kimo) and a sister (Peanut). Actually, they are step-siblings since they are not blood related. Boomer doesn’t seem to care. Apparently he’s not into labels. I like that about him.

Yet I am concerned about his reluctance to blink. It’s possible he’s simply playing tough. Maybe when he was a wee kitten he had to deal with bully cats and discovered by not blinking he could get them to step off. Maybe. I’m leaning more towards the theory he doesn’t possess the full complement of 38 cat chromosomes. Ultimately, the reason doesn’t really matter. What matters is he’s got a special talent which, properly cultivated, can come in very handy. The next time I enter a serious negotiation I’m bringing Boomer with me. I’m sure after several hours under his watchful, non-blinking eye the people with whom I’m negotiating will give in just to get the hell out of the room. Wouldn’t you?