Trask Avenue

I have this idea for a gut-splitting hilarious post which will surely be the highlight of your life. I fully intended on banging it out this morning as to give you a nice weekend boost. However, it looks like I’m going to pass on it which is unfortunate for you. And since the subject is highly time-sensitive, that particular brilliant idea will be stored in the steamer trunk hoping for another shot of fortuitous timing. Your disappointment is palatable. Sorry about that, but don’t blame me. Blame Megan, that lovely lass from the ancient, windswept lands of Britain. She infected me with the Blog Virus of the Week, something called The Tag Game. Aim your rage at her. She’s young and the young heal faster.

The Tag Game consists of answering 11 random questions. Plus there’s a bunch of other rules. Okay, there’s actually four other rules, but four can be a bunch. If you buy four bananas all genetically attached at the stem you’d call that a bunch, right? Right. Don’t let your expectations of what constitutes a “bunch” be polluted by “The Brady Equation” which reads:

1BNH = 1wf + 1wm + ([3g+3b]/1bth) / 1hk + 1p

Math has come a long way in the 40 years since the wizards at the California Institute of Sitcoms laid that formula upon us. Hell, back then they didn’t even have calculators. They had Adding Machines. Can you imagine such a device? Also, people actually had to, get this, solve math problems using a pencil and paper! Isn’t that just so cute? Anyway, all of this is to say I’m going to ignore the four other rules and get to what really matters: talking about me.

1) The best moment of your life? – This one right now, as would be my answer at most moments on most days. Yeah I know that sounds like a bunch of hooey, but living in the moment is really all we’re guaranteed. Might as well enjoy it.
2) The worst moment of your life? – Meh. Bad things happen to everyone. I’m no different. I don’t dwell on lousy past experiences. They tend to dissipate in my memory, at least how I was feeling at as a result. People dying is a real bummer. That always blows.
3) If you could go back and change one thing what would it be? – This strikes me as a variation of the worst moment question. But in the spirit of being a good sport and blah blah blah I’d have to say my socks from last Wednesday. Even I know (now) white athletic socks with black dress shoes isn’t a good idea.
4) If you could go back and tell someone how you really felt when you didn’t, who would it be? – Every girl I had a crush on from age 11-16.
5) If there was someone who you could tell how you really felt now who would it be? – There is no such person.
6) Your greatest achievement? – Where to start? There are so many. For example, earlier this week I clipped my nails and did not draw blood.
7) Someone you wanted to be proud of you who weren’t? – Curious thing, this. I’ve never much cared who was proud of me. I’ve certainly done things I’m not proud of, but that’s on me. How others interpret what I do is on them. I don’t try to influence people in this way and therefore never really consider it.
8) List the best people in your life right now. – Red, the lovely Ms. Trask, BAMS, D-Sack, Beef, Pits. There are plenty of others, but family comes first.
9) Your joy in life is… – Knowing the people I care about are happy.
10) What you wish you could do but cannot? – Fly, become invisible, possess super-strength and shoot spider webs out of my wrists. Simultaneously, of course.
11) If I gave you an airline ticket for anywhere in the world where would you go? – Right now, Kauai. Have you been outside today? It’s cold and the wind feels like 1,000 razors slicing through my skin. Not in a good way.

There you have it. Thanks for thinking of me, Megan. I’m happy to see you Brits are no longer upset about the whole colonies fight for independence deal. You guys are over that, aren’t you? Wait a blimey minute! Did I misinterpret your decision to choose me? This was payback for the war, wasn’t it? You English with your nifty accents and clever subtlety.