Trask Avenue

Note: This was written last year as part of a Big Project held by the terrific folks over at Utata. The premise was to write an essay describing where you lived. You could approach this broad topic anyway you desired. The essay had to be accompanied by three to six original photos which supported the words. I wrote a five part essay. Here’s part three.

outgoing introvert

Outgoing Introvert
The instant I enter any large gathering I am simultaneously struck by the two lines of thought: (1) “Oh my God, who are these people? Where did they come from? What can I possibly contribute to their engaging and sophisticated conversations? Why am I here??” neatly accompanied by (2) “Wow! Feel the energy radiating through the room! I can’t wait to jump into the fray, share a meaningful observation and witty comment, become an integral part of the evening! Bring me a martini! Action is at hand!”

By nature I am reticent when thrust into unfamiliar social situations. My inclination drifts towards the peripheral, a familiar face or a peaceful nook where I can nurse a beverage and eat hors d’oeuvres, safely removed from the drivel of gossip and chatter. Nonetheless, as I sip a cocktail or nibble on a chicken wing, another monster roars to life. I am compelled to pull myself from the corner, join the revelry, interject and debate, and yes, dance in the strobe light! I’m helplessly driven to participate.

Sudden personality shifts concern me, especially if they…well, concern me. When thrust into the world of mixing and mingling basic assumptions about who I am and how I act transform, not unlike Clark Kent when he removes those glasses. Maybe I’m a frustrated actor who plays the only stage available to him. Maybe I’m overcompensating for my innate shyness, stopping just short of putting a lampshade on my head. (Usually.) Maybe there’s a desire to be acknowledged and recognized, one deeper than I’d care to admit. Maybe maybe maybe. But once removed from these situations, once back in the car I reflect on what transpired, shake my head in disbelief and ask, “Who the hell was that guy?”

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Part 1: Creative Logician
Part 2:  Dreaming Realist