guest blogger: Elvis Presley

Posted: November 7, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

First off I want to clear something up for all you good folk down there who, bless your hearts, say you see me at the department store every other week. It doesn’t seem to happen as much as it used to, but from what I hear it still happens. I sure appreciate that y’all wish I was around to sing songs for you. I know I would be thrilled if I could, but I can’t. It pains me to repay such kindness by correcting you, but the people you are seeing are not me. Don’t feel poorly. I’m sure they look a lot like I did. I know I always used to mix up Jill St. John and Stephanie Powers, so it can happen to anyone. But sir and ma’am, I do think I can help.

Next time you think you see good ole Elvis Aaron buying socks or a window fan or an air pump at your local store remember I would be 76 years old if I were still there with y’all. I have no idea what I might have looked like if I lived to be 76, but I’m sure my hair would not be black and I would not be wearing that crazy white outfit the Colonel insisted I wear on stage during those final years. I would probably look more like Paul Ford, a nice man who passed a year or so before me. If you’re unfamiliar with Mr. Ford he was a fine actor. I always laughed so hard when he fell out of that airport tower in Mad Mad World. I loved that movie. I’m sorry for the outdated reference, but I don’t know what any current 76 year old men look like. For the most part up here we don’t follow what’s happening down there. Actually, if it wasn’t for the newcomers telling me they spotted me at the K Mart just before they died I would have never known what’s been going on regarding me.

Although I am dead I wanted to reassure you that I am also okay. One of the beautiful things about the afterlife is being with all your friends and kin who have also passed. Mama is here and we see each other all the time, although it took a spell to find her. It’s a pretty big place, a lot bigger than Graceland which I thought was about the most beautiful house I ever saw. Sitting across from me is my brother Jesse. Y’all may know that Jesse and me are twins, but he was stillborn. Jesse looks like he would’ve looked had he lived to be 25. That’s how it is up here. People are so polite, everything is really clean and everyone looks like they did when they were 25. I don’t know why 25, but if that’s how the Lord wants to set up the eternal afterlife who are we to tell Him not to?

I was confused when I first got here because, like most newcomers, I didn’t know I was dead. My head was fogged for reasons I guess y’all know about by now, so there is no need in repeating them. Looking back my behavior was embarrassing, but I have accepted what I did and moved on. (I don’t think a person can “move on” any more than I did.) I woke to a lovely chorus singing In My Father’s House, but I thought it was the reel-to-reel playing. I do love gospel music which is a fine thing since it is the only music we hear. That and songs by someone named Lil Wayne. At first I thought Emory* was playing another practical joke on me. Him and Jimmy** were always busting on me good. I soon realized it was no joke when a big gentleman in a flowing white robe handed me a mirror. I looked in the mirror and it was like I was fresh out of the army again. Now Emory and Jimmy were good practical jokers, but not that good. Once I accepted what happened I was mighty thankful not to be in the other place. I don’t know who is down there; no one talks about it. I haven’t seen the Colonel yet, but like I told you, it’s big up here. I reckon he’ll turn up at some point.

Before I go I want to apologize. It has always bothered me greatly that I never gave y’all a proper thank you. I know I used to always say it during my shows after singing Teddy Bear or Burnin’ Love or any of the other songs you were so kind to like. I know y’all spent your hard-earned money to buy my music and see my shows and I always felt very blessed by your love. And hearing how people still think about me all these years later is mighty humbling. So thank you, thank you very much. If it wasn’t for you I would have never been me.

Ed. Notes
* Emory Gordy, a musician in Elvis’ 1970’s touring band
** Jimmy Burton, another musician in Elvis’1970’s touring band

Advertisements
Comments
  1. I’m glad you’re here, because I now have the opportunity to thank you for speaking to me (several times) at Graceland several years ago. You made my visit, uh, nothing I had expected. So I’m not surprised you have popped up here.

    Like

  2. Jason says:

    Great work getting Elvis to write a post. This is huge news! I always knew The King was still alive.

    Like

Whatcha got to say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s