At some point inequity and anonymity overwhelm you. I am sure you understand. Maybe as a kid you caught a fat river catfish only to have your bullying brother snatch it from your slippery hands and insist his line hooked it. Then he ran home to show your parents what he brought for supper. Maybe you didn’t get the top prize for 9th grade mathematics because Henry Schmidt cheated on the big test. Principal Wagner was so impressed by Henry’s “achievement” that he ran out of superlatives as he pinned the ribbon on that cheater’s shirt. Maybe you agonized for weeks to gather the courage to ask Emma Meier to walk the midway with you at the county fair. When she agreed, but later changed her mind after that dim-witted George Smith asked her, you thought your heart would wither and die. It did not help seeing George and Emma hold hands for the next three months. Maybe whenever Mama baked a fresh loaf of bread and passed it around the table your gluttonous, greedy siblings ripped off chunks the size of small animals for themselves. By the time it got to you only crumbs remained, barely enough to feed the mice that scampered across the attic at night. If you complained (more…)
Archive for the ‘Humorous Bits’ Category
guest blogger: Otto Frederick Rohwedder
Posted: October 28, 2019 in Humorous BitsTags: guest blogger, humor, humour
HQ2: t-minus 20 and counting
Posted: January 18, 2018 in Humorous Bits, Observations and CommentaryTags: Amazon, America, American life, business, HQ2, humor, humour
Several months ago Amazon announced they planned to open a second corporate headquarters in either the United States or Canada. They named this new venture HQ2, not to be confused with the old school television shopping channels HSN and QVC. (2-3 weeks for delivery? How quaint!) Metropolitan areas were invited to pitch their “Pick Me!” stories. 238 proposals were received. Amazon promptly placed them in the “Save for Later” section of their shopping cart and continued their hugely successful mission to keep cardboard manufacturers busy.
Well, “later” has arrived. Sorta. The top 20 finalists were announced today. It is an understandably exciting time for these hopefuls. Amazon projects (more…)
it is Rapperswil, not rapper swill
Posted: January 12, 2018 in Humorous Bits, Photography, TravelTags: Europe, humor, humour, Rapperswil, Rapperswil-Jona, Switzerland, Travel
Rapperswil is part of a municipality in northeast Switzerland. It is *not* a questionable brand of bathtub gin marketed to struggling rap artists. You may think offering that lame pun in a local tavern will elicit good-natured laughter, but the only thing you’ll receive is the dreaded Swiss death stare. It is exactly the same look you get when you kid about money with a wealth manager from Credit Suisse. Switzerland may be famously neutral and their knives more functional than deadly, but their aloof contemplation can be withering. So do yourself a favor. Resist the urge to make a bad Rapperswil joke, especially while in Rapperswil. Don’t be the Ugly American.
Rapperswil was settled many centuries ago and for a long, long time was its own thing. Oh sure, an occasional power struggle erupted to keep things interesting, but (more…)
bomb cyclone
Posted: January 6, 2018 in Humorous BitsTags: bomb cyclone, humor, humour, life, New Jersey, weather, winter
New Jersey, along with a large portion of the eastern United States, is in the midst of a “bomb cyclone.” Bomb cyclone grabs your attention, doesn’t it? It commands a serious and dramatic response. It also sounds like a new film by Roland Emmerich or an especially potent libation at “The Bunker”, the Pentagon’s underground officer’s lounge. Naturally, real meteorologists don’t call it this. They prefer “explosive cyclogenesis.” For them explosive cyclogenesis more concisely explains what it is happening. Conveniently, it also helps justify debt incurred through years of graduate and post-graduate study.
Weather events like these are very technical, but a winning topic of conversation among attendees of the annual meeting of the American Meteorological Society. Those folks (more…)
We join the monthly Jackass Parade already in progress with our commentators Leslie and Bill.
Leslie: Remember how he served his wife divorce papers when she was in the hospital fighting cancer? That was some memorable jackassery!
Bill: Hold that thought, Leslie. Here comes Ryan Lochte. I think he’s bleached his hair even lighter. Listen to those jeers and boos. The crowd is (more…)
common threads #15: tools
Posted: August 3, 2016 in Humorous BitsTags: burin, comedy, Common Threads, humor, humour, tools, vampires
A craftsman I am not, although I can use some tools to complete certain tasks without major injury or property damage. Give me a pair of pliers and I will grip or twist or bend whatever needs gripping, twisting, or bending. Give me a screwdriver and I will screw and unscrew until (more…)
trump: the game
Posted: July 20, 2016 in Humorous Bits, Observations and CommentaryTags: board games, games, gaming, humor, humour, life, politics, Trump
We all know Donald Trump will slap his name on anything to make a buck. And if you give him enough bucks he will let you slap his name on your stuff. We endlessly hear about his steaks, airline, vodka, bottled water, magazine, and university. His resorts peddle (more…)
investing in stocks is a tricky business
Posted: July 3, 2016 in Humorous BitsTags: advice, hangover, humor, humour, investments, naps, sleep, sleep hangover, Spinal Tap, stocks
I love sleep, probably a bit too much. I should clarify. I love a good long sleep, many hours of bliss when my mind wanders, my eyes flutter and, on occasion, my leg twitches as if given electroshock therapy. But a good long sleep does (more…)
common threads #14: decorative art (not on body)
Posted: January 29, 2014 in Humorous BitsTags: art, Common Threads, decorative art, humor, humour, life, status
Before the mid-20th century decorative art was the exception, reserved for those looking to exalt wealth and status. Back then walking through a well-appointed manor was like strolling through an eclectic gallery accompanied by a guide with the social awareness of a melon and the subtlety of a gorilla.
I was just minding my own business…
“I shot this big fella during a safari on the Serengeti two summers ago,” the host bragged while pointing at (more…)
guest blogger: ten dollar bill, serial number JC79744814A
Posted: July 27, 2013 in Humorous Bits, UncategorizedTags: 10 dollar, guest blogger, money
Many of you think us paper moneyers lead glamorous lives filled with adventure and intrigue, lives that take us to strange and exotic places, lives that brighten people’s days and accelerate their nights. Many of you assume we are surrounded by joy since you imagine everyone who comes into contact with us does so under the happiest of circumstances. I am here to tell you if that is what you imagine then your imagination is (more…)
