Trifextra – “lost”

Posted: March 16, 2012 in Fiction
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Time for the Trifextra weekend challenge: Write a story entitled ‘Lost’ in exactly 33 words. The word ‘lost’ can only appear in the title, not your 33 words. And away we go!

The uninitiated hear your lascivious voice, see your chestnut hair, catch citrusy wisps. They long to touch, to taste your alabaster skin. The initiated – me – endured that fantasy. In you I see nothing.

  1. Amelia says:

    Cut to the quick. I can relate.


  2. Trifecta says:

    This is great. That first half sets up the second half brilliantly. ‘In you I see nothing’– super last line. Thanks for linking up and hopefully see you for the weekday challenge starting on Monday.


  3. jannatwrites says:

    Ouch! Well-said in such a short space. Sometimes we see people differently after knowing them.


  4. Excellent. It’s hard to create two such contrasting emotions in so short a space. Well done.


  5. gene3067 says:

    Yikes! So all that glitters isn’t gold after all. Great writing!


  6. Oh, that is good. Nice sting.


  7. fghart says:

    All of those powerful descriptors, and the initiated sees nothing. I love it! Great response to the prompt.


  8. StephanieC says:

    It definitely captured my full attention, though I don’t completely understand it. (Really intelligent work like this makes me feel dumb).

    But very well done, and very cool blog design!


    • John says:

      I wish I could take credit for the blog design, but it’s the good folks at WordPress who created it.

      I’m thankful you came to visit. Hope to see you again sometime!


  9. whiteladyinthehood says:

    You are really good at these challenges!


  10. I, Rodius says:

    Boom! If I remember right, anger is one of the stages of grief. Well expressed.


  11. This is very dark. i like it very much.


  12. Yes. It’s the cold indignation of heartbreak that picks up where the sadness ends. Out of all of those fancy words, it is “endured” that shouts the loudest.


  13. Yikes! Whoever that is, they’re getting it.


  14. barbara says:

    OW! Phew – such emotion in only 33 words!


  15. kgwaite says:

    Terrific visuals here – The anger is almost palatable.


  16. booguloo says:

    Remind me to stay on your good side. Wow.


  17. dunce two says:

    Oh YEAH! You had me at “citrusy wisps” (and the “alabaster skin” finished me off). I have been both the initiated and the un-. An excellent take on both perspectives!


  18. Wow. Sounds like you might be talking about someone in particular. I hope you’re not bitter because I didn’t send you a postcard from Houston.


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