Trifextra – “surprise”

Posted: March 23, 2012 in Fiction
Tags: , , ,

This weekend’s Trifextra challenge:  We are giving you the first 33 words of a story. You need to complete it with 33 of your own words.
– – – – –
“There’s nothing cute about it,” he said. The register of his voice indicated decision more so than discussion.

She disagreed heartily and privately, staring past his head and out the window behind him.
– – – – –

Surprise
“There’s nothing cute about it,” he said. The register of his voice indicated decision more so than discussion.

She disagreed heartily and privately, staring past his head and out the window behind him.

She nodded, took the unopened box left by the “Happy Birthday” singing waiter and retreated to the bathroom. She removed the Super Bowl tickets, discarded the box and returned to their final date.

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Comments
  1. Trifecta says:

    Thanks so much for linking up to Trifextra. Remember, this weekend’s entries are being judged by the Trifecta community, so I hope you were able to cast your votes. (there’s still just over two hours left if not!) Winners will be announced with the Monday post. Hope to see you back then.

    Like

  2. karen says:

    A perfect ending! That’s what I gotta say.

    Like

  3. chrstnj says:

    Ooo, ouch! Nice twist, there.

    Like

  4. gene3067 says:

    That’ll teach him.

    Like

  5. oh man, to see the 33 words BEFORE would be great too!
    nice job!

    Like

  6. jannatwrites says:

    Ouch. Bet he wished he invited her but kept the tickets himself.

    Like

  7. natalie says:

    Now, how to let him know what he missed, or?. I think I would have her just keep walking and not return.

    Like

  8. Great job. Here’s my submission – but only to you since I don’t actually participate in Trifecta.

    “There’s nothing cute about it,” he said. The register of his voice indicated decision more so than discussion.

    She disagreed heartily and privately, staring past his head and out the window behind him.

    “I hated that sofa anyway,” she thought to herself. “If he makes me choose between him and the dog…”

    The dog trotted into the living room with her husband’s shoe in his mouth.

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  9. El Guapo says:

    Crap. He coulda gotten lucky too!
    Wonderful answer to the challenge.

    Like

  10. MOV says:

    oh…………. he does not deserve a girl like her. she needs someone who appreciates her whimsy and charm. Now she has the chance to find that guy– who knows? could be the waiter!

    best,
    MOV
    (my comment on your essay is– count them– 33 words)

    Like

  11. jesterqueen says:

    Sounds like he just missed a massive opportunity, and she’s got some prime real estate to scalp!!

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  12. “… returned to their final date.” The poor fool …

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  13. Amelia says:

    Good for her!

    Like

  14. barbara says:

    *Waves hand . . . I’ll go, I’ll go. 🙂

    Great take on the prompt.

    Like

  15. Gina says:

    AHHHHH! I’m laughing as I’m typing. Poor guy! Guess she’ll be looking for a date for the big game!

    Like

  16. Amanda says:

    This is really good – a lot is said about the relationship (and where they both thought it was going) in few words.

    Like

  17. This is sad. But a cool surprise ending. Excellent job on the challenge.

    Like

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