where i live: opposing forces (5/5)

Posted: June 4, 2012 in Traskland
Tags: , , ,

Note: This was written last year as part of a Big Project held by the terrific folks over at Utata. The premise was to write an essay describing where you lived. You could approach this broad topic anyway you desired. The essay had to be accompanied by three to six original photos which supported the words. I wrote a five part essay. Here’s part five.

opposing forces

Opposing Forces
From their quizzical expressions to their “let me get this straight” questions, it’s pretty obvious many folks don’t hold my conflicting tendencies in high regard.

“Let me get this straight…

… Math comes easy to you, but you shove it aside. For what? To read? To write and take photographs, both which cause struggle and don’t generate a livable income?”
… You are firmly grounded, yet drift off to la-la land on a whim to sketch out outlandish flights of fancy you don’t even try to pursue?”
…You prefer the shadows. However, you’ll just as quickly jump on stage in front of dozens of strangers to perform kamikaze karaoke on New York, New York?”
…You’re content to sink into the couch except when your outstretched legs mean others may have to skirt around them? Then you hop to attention like a trained dog?”

For years these contradictions drained me, leaving feelings of weakness and indecision. Wasn’t it enough being pulled in 50 different directions every day by stuff which swirls out of my control? Must I also do it to myself?

The answer, of course, was “Yes.”

What’s missing from a casual observation is this phenomenon forced me to look beyond my artificial walls and recognize other opportunities, to experiment. We are trained to seize a direction and see it through to the bitter end. Like heat-seeking missiles, identify our target and fire away! This choice fails to consider heat emanates from many places, frequently very diverse places. Limiting ourselves to the hottest source blinds us from experiences we can’t begin to fathom.

Where do I live? I live in a self-contained world of opposing forces. From their absurdity comes a startling power to construct dynamics which magnify the marvels embedded in each day. They fuse to create an amazing kaleidoscope of light and hues which illuminates even the darkest hours. Where once I misunderstood my beautiful tensions I now happily embrace them. They allow life’s colors to pop and sizzle. And, let’s face it, without them I’d be just another guy living in a black and white world.

Part 1: Creative Logician
Part 2:  Dreaming Realist
Part 3: Outgoing Introvert
Part 4: Motivated Sloth

  1. sparklebumps says:

    Math, schmath. Who the fuck wants to do math when they can take awesome pictures?
    Also, don’t worry about drifting into lala land. It’s very nice here.


  2. kayjai says:

    Your pile of contradictions provide you with excellent perspective on the world around you. That’s why your photographs and words are eloquent and graceful. Well done…


  3. While I adore black and white photography, I wouldn’t want to live in a black and white world. Opposing forces allow us to learn and grow if we are open to the experience. As to you and your creative struggles with photography and writing, I say, or rather I write, ‘Pshaw!’ You have a gift for both and I am better for having seen your photographs and having read your words.


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