Trask Avenue

Every Friday, much to my doctor’s and Aarón Sanchez’ infinite dismay, I lunch at Taco Bell. Twas a time when this meal would include heaping servings of cheese and refried beans, for what is Mexican food without the delicious anticipation of firing up a defibrillator? It’s like Frida without Diego, Mumford without sons, aid without abet. But in a quest to be better to my body I have reformed my ways. Some folks might argue abandoning Taco Bell altogether would demonstrate a real commitment to healthy reformation, silly notions contrived by silly people. So in lieu of cheesey cheese products melted upon layers of processed pinto beans I opt for a healthier alternative, Crunchy Fresco Tacos.

Crunchy Fresco Tacos are just like regular crunchy tacos, except fiesta salsa is liberally substituted for the heavenly shredded cheesey cheese product. Fiesta salsa is Taco Bell’s cutesy name for their version of pico de gallo, a traditional mixture of fresh tomatoes, fresh onions and fresh cilantro. Does fiesta salsa contain these fresh, straight from the garden ingredients? Well, tomatoes, onion and green bits which could be cilantro are certainly evident. That much is true. As for fresh…I suppose we could contrast our definition of fresh with Taco Bell’s, but that leads down a dark and dangerous path eventually placing us square in the center of a debate about what constitutes beef. If I wish to continue my Friday lunch tradition not only do I not want to go there. I cannot go there.

P.P.M.R. (Post Post Minor Rant) – Why did the descriptor “hard” fall victim in the taco naming wars? Yes, yes, crunchy may sound more appetizing at first blush, but classes of insects could also be described as crunchy. The problem isn’t so much the desire to change the name. It is the lack of consistency in food naming conventions. If hard tacos must now be called crunchy tacos because the taco makers want an adjective that applies to texture then soft tacos should be called squishy tacos. End of discussion.