to do list: jesus of nazareth (undated)

Posted: November 19, 2011 in Humorous Bits
Tags: , , , , , ,

Ed. Note:  Faithful readers may remember a large collection of artifacts was discovered in the attic of Trask Avenue several months ago. When we recently stumbled upon an extremely fragile parchment tucked in the pages of an early pressing of Cranmer’s “The Institution of a Christian Man” we were understandably excited. After consultation with esteemed scholars from around the world we are convinced this is an undated “To Do” list written by Jesus of Nazareth. Through painstaking and meticulous work it has been translated to modern English from its original Aramaic. While we can’t be 100% certain of the translation’s accuracy, we are confident it fairly represents the contents of the list.

– Resole sandals
– Forgive Andrew for overcooking last night’s fish
– Remember to pack sunscreen before heading into the desert for an extended holiday
– Forgive Mathias the Grocer for selling me those rotted olives
– Work on Saturday’s sermon. Need a punchier opening line.
– Forgive Thomas for doubting my directions to the market
– Learn to play Wa y’daber Elohim on the lute
– Forgive Bartholomew for always being so obnoxious
– Pick up a nice marble rye for MM’s dinner party
– Forgive the centurion who guards the east wall of the palace (Marcus?) for “accidentally” tripping me last Tuesday morning
– Squeeze a surprise visit to Mom into my packed schedule
– Forgive cousin John for holding my head down in the river waters longer than necessary
– Celebrate birthday
– Forgive Isaac the Scribe for never spelling Chanukah correctly
– Take a long, long nap
– Forgive Matthew for always drinking more than his fair share of wine
– Jot down memories from my 20’s
– Forgive Simon for saying what we have to do next
– Do unto others as I would have them do unto me
– Forgive Judas I. now in case I forget to later
– Ask Father the truth about Noah
– Forgive mankind

  1. […] Trask Avenue – My favorite things about “John’s” blog are his photographs – truly amazing!  But I also like his wicked sense of humor – such as in “To Do List: Jesus of Nazareth (undated)“ […]


  2. – Forgive John Brennan for that post he’s going to write in November 2011 for he knows not what he does.


    • John says:

      Thanks for trying to deflect the iron wrath of The Power In The Sky (TPINS) with “for he knows not what he does,” but TPINS unfortunately knows otherwise.


  3. whiteladyinthehood says:



  4. sparklebumps says:

    🙂 Very funny. And yes, Lamb is a great great book!


  5. Love the “forgive Cousin John” one! I’m always appreciative of religious humor!


  6. Kana Tyler says:

    Simon Says… Keep us laughing! Loved this! 🙂


  7. I love it. I would just add one thing “Get help for my inability to commit to Mary Magdelene.” Have you ever read Christopher Moore’s, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal. This reminded me of it. If you haven’t read it, do so now. Do not pass Go. Go directly to the book. You’ll love it.


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