Posts Tagged ‘humor’

getting all historical

Posted: October 1, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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We keep our sanity by not thinking about certain things. Does anyone really crave greater insight into the food processing industry? Who wants to spend their time contemplating the doings of Lady Gaga, other than Lady Gaga? When it comes to waste management and all its disgusting details, wouldn’t you rather let those who dedicate their lives to removing our garbage, maintaining our sewers and arresting our celebrities deal with the details? Me too.

For many people War also falls into this category. Still, lots of folks love to think about war. They long to touch it, taste it, smell it, feel it and hear it. Until, of course, (more…)

like the weather

Posted: September 29, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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Word around the chatterbox promises good sleeping weather tonight. Finally. The past several nights have been horribly uncomfortable. Talk about oppressive humidity. The air sat like a lead jacket on everyone’s chest. The troposphere hasn’t been this heavy on the east coast since Hendrix blew minds at Woodstock, man. The temperature is not cooperating either. It’s not quite hot enough to justify popping on the central a/c, so the fan’s been working overtime circulating the molten glop masquerading as (more…)

listomania

Posted: September 27, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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We live in a chaotic world rife with intense random juju, so it’s no surprise the creation and sharing of lists has gained enormous appeal. They’re neat, clean and provide an illusion of order when everything else is on the verge of supernovaing out of control. You can appreciate how tantalizing that is.

Aside from that, lists have plenty going for them. They’re numbered, which is a big selling point. Who wants to be bothered with deep thoughts when a simple numbering scheme can make it oh so very easy to understand? (Assuming you can count.) They’re generally brief without a lot of distracting explanatory text while simultaneously presented in a pleasing linear format. Does it get any better? Simple to understand, requires little or no brainpower, and fun to look at. It’s like (more…)

news cycling

Posted: September 23, 2011 in Observations and Commentary
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It’s a fun and busy time for the hard-pedaling news cyclists, filled with stories of great interest and import. Here’s a smattering of recent goodies which set the nation’s gums flapping.

Wendy’s Unveils “Dave’s Hot ‘N Juicy Burger”
The first Wendy’s opened in 1969. Now in 2011 they have come to the realization that “hot and juicy” is how we peoples loves our burgers. One must applaud Wendy’s (Applause!) for their blunt honesty, admitting they didn’t know something backyard grill-meisters have known since the advent of controlled outdoor cooking and mankind has known since taking its first bite of cooked meat. Wendy’s, bless their adorable naivety, basically said, (more…)

mob behavior

Posted: September 21, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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Hitchcock knew what he was doing. He was, after all, the Master of Suspense. He realized when you brought a large group of any living things together the results were terrifying. He happened to pick birds, menacing looking buggers. Add all that high-pitched squawking to their angry, prehistoric bone structure and you’ve got a recipe for top notch creepiness. Even without their henhouse cackling how disturbing was it watching them silently gather on wires, roofs and tree branches? Exactly.

It’s not just birds. Take any creature and put a bunch of them together and you’ve got yourself a bad scene. Like Sam Walton preached, it’s all about volume. If you were scuba diving would a single fish jolt you with terror? Of course not. (If it did, perhaps scuba diving isn’t the activity for you.) No, if you saw a single fish or maybe even a few similar fish you’d be full of ‘awwws’ saying stuff like, (more…)

the nap trap

Posted: September 14, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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We’ve all experienced that moment when we’re so tired and our usual bedtime seems so impossibly out of reach that the only recourse is taking a nap. Nothing long, nothing extravagant. Just enough to revitalize and allow us to get through the remainder of the day convincingly enough that everyone actually thinks we’re interested in what’s happening around us. Maybe all you need is a Power Nap, 10-15 minutes of shuteye from which you explode as if (more…)

the 4/10

Posted: September 6, 2011 in Observations and Commentary
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Starting today Utah eliminated its experimental 4/10 (days/hours) work schedule for state employees. Utah was the first (and so far only) state to try this and found, surprisingly enough, shutting down most state services on Fridays did not sit well with their citizens. Implementing the 4/10 in such a way that would’ve allowed important services to remain open Monday through Friday might have been (more…)

putt putt

Posted: September 2, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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My friend Tony posted a comment on Facebook saying he needs a new putter. I assume he’s referring to a golf club, the one called a “putter”. It’s unlikely he’s in search of a person to actually putt the ball for him once he gets it on the green. If that were the case I’d have to chide him about his lack of clarity. The proper thing to say would’ve been, “I need a surrogate putter”. But Tony’s a smart guy, so I’m pretty sure he meant the golf club.

Golf is not a passion of mine. It’s never even reached passing fancy stage. That’s not to say I’ve never played. The thing I found most difficult was (more…)

redenbacher’s revenge

Posted: September 1, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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It’s a quiet evening. The sun has set and a faint hint of autumn is in the air. Crickets are cricketing. I’m munching on Halls Honey and Lemon Cough Drops. Not because I have a sore throat, mind you. I just like the taste. My mind drifts in the hope something of moderate interest will pop up, something I can share with you fine folks. I look to my left and see the silent television and cache of DVDs. I look to my right and note (more…)

maximum potential

Posted: August 31, 2011 in Observations and Commentary
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We’ve all imagined a glamorous life on the underbelly of the law if, for no other reason, to spice things up. It’s not just me, right? It seems a common enough fantasy. Plan and execute a brilliant caper (victimless, of course) that will reap untold riches and rewards in the form of uncut, easily fenced jewels without any of the nasty blowback associated with getting caught, arrested and prosecuted. Especially right before a holiday weekend.

As horrifying as thought of getting caught is, the specter of jail time is what actually (more…)

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