Archive for the ‘Humorous Bits’ Category

The smart money says the British have moved on since losing the war for the American colonies. Holding a grudge is one thing, but holding one for 230 years is quite another and the Brits have better things to do. Sure the war was humiliating, usurped by a ragtag group of rebels using unconventional (some may even say dirty) tactics while engaging in the honor bound pastime of systematically (more…)

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Personal resolutions are fine and all, but let us make this year’s resolution making season different. Forget the individual promises. Instead let us make giant group resolutions, ones which we are pre-disposed to achieve, ones which once achieved will allow us to puff out our communal chest with pride and loudly proclaim, “Yes, all of us did all of that!” Who doesn’t want to feel that sense of (more…)

Every Friday, much to my doctor’s and Aarón Sanchez’ infinite dismay, I lunch at Taco Bell. Twas a time when this meal would include heaping servings of cheese and refried beans, for what is Mexican food without the delicious anticipation of firing up a defibrillator? It’s like Frida without Diego, Mumford without sons, aid without abet. But in a quest to be better to my body I have (more…)

hurricane fortification

  • Determine sources of information about storm, if any exist
  • Replenish stock of non-perishable chocolate
  • Replenish stock of non-perishable vodka
  • Ensure flashlight works so chocolate (more…)

Several years ago Johnson and Johnson, the enormous multi-national manufacturer, closed a facility located in central New Jersey along the northbound side of Route 1 and sold the 200+ acres to the local township. The township dithered for a long time before finally agreeing upon a plan to construct a new town center on this acreage. Now how you can suddenly create a new town center in a 230 year old township is baffling. Especially when the township is (more…)

Smart phones. Just the name tells us we’re dealing with something designed to dispel any antiquated notions we may have about telephones and their original purpose. Had we been told 20 years ago that such a lightweight, rectangular chunk of technology could do the things smart phones routinely do many of us would have scoffed, imagining a Jetsons-like future which (more…)

Being from New Jersey can be downright challenging. The constant barbs and insults are enough to make one think spending three hours a day at the gym, an hour in a tanning bed and another hour sculpting your hair is, perhaps, not the best use of one’s time. Pretty ridiculous, right? Yet it seems as if people everywhere are putting Jersey down, making fun of this cute little profile-shaped state. Let’s face it. Something is amiss when Alabama (more…)

Hey, do you want to get into the legacy building business of predicting the future? Do you want to be remembered as the person who saw the future before it became the present and told us about it? If that sounds like the path for you here is the good news: executing it is actually very easy. You do not need to be blessed with amazing psychic powers or a third eye. You simply need to follow one rule, (more…)

Thousands of truckers descended upon Wheaton, Illinois this week. They came from places far and near, places like Missoula, Waco, Teaneck and Cicero. They pulled their 18-wheelers into town united in a cause, joined together with a crackling energy not often seen in this country outside of tax evasion season. They arrived to help the students of (more…)

I recently got a free three month subscription to SiriusXM Radio, recently being last week. I am currently heart-deep in the honeymoon stage. You know how it is. Just thinking about your new beloved gets the adrenaline zipping through your veins like Gary Busey through a residential neighborhood. A mere passing thought makes you wonder how you ever possibly managed (more…)