We’ve all experienced that moment when we’re so tired and our usual bedtime seems so impossibly out of reach that the only recourse is taking a nap. Nothing long, nothing extravagant. Just enough to revitalize and allow us to get through the remainder of the day convincingly enough that everyone actually thinks we’re interested in what’s happening around us. Maybe all you need is a Power Nap, 10-15 minutes of shuteye from which you explode as if (more…)
Archive for the ‘Humorous Bits’ Category
My friend Tony posted a comment on Facebook saying he needs a new putter. I assume he’s referring to a golf club, the one called a “putter”. It’s unlikely he’s in search of a person to actually putt the ball for him once he gets it on the green. If that were the case I’d have to chide him about his lack of clarity. The proper thing to say would’ve been, “I need a surrogate putter”. But Tony’s a smart guy, so I’m pretty sure he meant the golf club.
Golf is not a passion of mine. It’s never even reached passing fancy stage. That’s not to say I’ve never played. The thing I found most difficult was (more…)
redenbacher’s revenge
Posted: September 1, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: Hans Landa, humor, popcorn ceilings
It’s a quiet evening. The sun has set and a faint hint of autumn is in the air. Crickets are cricketing. I’m munching on Halls Honey and Lemon Cough Drops. Not because I have a sore throat, mind you. I just like the taste. My mind drifts in the hope something of moderate interest will pop up, something I can share with you fine folks. I look to my left and see the silent television and cache of DVDs. I look to my right and note (more…)
how to spot a new jerseyan
Posted: August 22, 2011 in Humorous Bits, New JerseyTags: accents, driving, humor, New Jersey, random, Seaside Heights, Sopranos
When we open our mouths we New Jerseyans can be pretty easy to spot. But not for reasons you may imagine. To risk sounding mildly defensive we’re not all like the bastardized versions of the New Jersey vox populi which graces America’s reality television landscape. Despite Jerseylicious, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Jersey Couture, Cake Boss, Jersey Shore and the occasional dip into Seaside Heights by MTV with one of their summer concoctions, most of us don’t tawk like dem. Sorry to report, but we basically sound like you. Unless you’re straight out of central casting for Steel Magnolias. Sure, you’ll hear an occasional (more…)
adjusting to a brave new world
Posted: June 27, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: apps, hip, iPhone, modern, Pippa, random, smartphone, technology, vindaloo chicken
This past weekend I finally took the plunge into the world of multi-functional handheld devices. No, I didn’t get a pen that doubles as a laser pointer. Nor did I purchase a plastic egg containing the wildly versatile Silly Putty. (It stretches! It bounces! It copies ink off newspapers!) As much fun as those things are, I ventured in a different direction, plunging headfirst into 2011 with an iPhone4. What an amazing device! Let me tell you, there’s nothing like (more…)
my television mocks me
Posted: June 10, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: ghosts in the machine, humor, obsolete, random, technology, television
Our television (named Philip after his manufacturer daddy) is possessed which, while weird, is far better than repossessed. Repossessed would be downright tragic – and totally without merit since that sucker was completely paid for before leaving the store. As our accountant friends would say, “Philip is in the black.”
In the black. They don’t know how right they are.
If Philip is on for a certain amount of time – and that length of time is a subject of debate among his primary viewers – he will suddenly turn off. *Poof!* Silence and a black screen followed by a mad scramble to find the correct remote and get him flickering again, a scene not unlike one you’d witness at the Running of the Bulls.
We don’t know why Philip decides to (more…)
why i would have trouble getting elected president
Posted: June 6, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: humor, policy, political platform, president, random, states
I don’t live in a fantasy world. I’ve tried that and ended up with unexplainable scars. And my theory is if you’re going to get scars, it’s good to know how you got ‘em. Not so much so you can avoid doing again whatever it was that you did to end up filleted like a fresh flounder, although that is a valid enough reason. Rather, so I can embellish the scar story and turn what was probably a horrifying or, worse yet, embarrassing story into (more…)
Wayne Rogers is 78
Posted: June 5, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: age, celebrities, humor, MASH, random, Wayne Rogers
Beware the facts!
Occasionally the reality of other people’s lives puts your own life in cold perspective. I was leafing through the almanac yesterday (“The World Almanac and Book of Facts”, 2010 edition), as I’m inclined to do, when I stumbled upon the section which lists celebrities with their date and place of birth. Now the editors of the “number one reference work for facts” (so says Will Shortz) shy away from using the term Celebrity and opt for the more inclusive Noted Personalities. Who these people consider Noted Personalities is (more…)
Trask Avenue 