Note: This was written in 2003 and certain references may no longer be accurate. For one, I know the senior management team at McDonald’s has changed over the past eight years. So McDonald’s, if you’re cruising blogs as corporations have been know to do and miraculously stumble upon this bit of light-hearted observation, don’t get all litigious on me. I understand (more…)
Archive for the ‘Humorous Bits’ Category
McNews
Posted: November 30, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: 2003, archives, dictionary, humor, McDonalds, McJob, Merriam-Webster, words
9
rebirth and art
Posted: November 28, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: art, courage, humor, Jimmy Buffet, life, Monet, Pac-12, random
One innocuous morning you are happily singing along with your favorite Jimmy Buffet tune when it hits you. You’re living the life of a stranger. You’re not a pirate at 40; you’re not even a pirate. You’re an accountant or lawyer or sanitation worker or cop. Far worse, you are at the mercy of everything swirling around you, everything imposed on you by those who are not you. It’s a jarring and life-altering moment, one demanding contemplation and correction.
You scuttle off disoriented to your den, that private retreat where poisons purge from your body, where your spirit (more…)
i’m confused
Posted: November 26, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: confusion, English, humor, language, words
We can’t be good at everything. The list of stuff I’m not good at is particularly long and especially amusing. Near the very top sits “Anything to do with home improvement.” I’m not proud when it comes to being the fix-it guy I have more thumbs than the population of China. These are skills I never picked up along life’s journey and, to be perfectly frank, I’m (more…)
guest blogger: Liberty the turkey
Posted: November 24, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: humor, pardon, random, Thanksgiving, turkey
My name is Liberty and thanks to a bit of serendipity I am now a celebrity and, more importantly, here to tell you about it. Along with a spotlight hogging gobbler named Peace I was “pardoned” by President Obama yesterday. This means neither one of us will become the centerpiece of some family’s Thanksgiving meal. Not only that we’re going on a whirlwind publicity tour which culminates in (more…)
you heard it here first
Posted: November 22, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: Black Friday, consumer, crowds, humor, mobs, Rapid City, sales, stampede, Thanksgiving, Tupelo
Oh yes, you know it’s coming. As these things go it’s as certain as J-Lo snagging a new man, Goldman-Sachs doling out obscene holiday bonuses, the guy at the Dunkin’ Donuts only being friendly with women under 25, and the sun being a mass of incandescent gas, a giant nuclear furnace. It’s coming and you better brace yourself.
Sometime on Friday, probably before noon (EST), a story will light up the web that an unfortunately situated (more…)
the plight of the modern vampire
Posted: November 17, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: Dracula, humor, Lestat, Lili Munster, random thoughts, undead, vampires, wealth
Have you ever seen a destitute vampire, a vampire so impoverished that he dressed in smelly rags and lived in the dumpster outside a poorly rated Chinese takeout joint? I certainly haven’t. Every single one appears to be well-off, like a trust fund baby grown to maturity. Let’s face it. Vampires may be bankrupt in many ways, but financially is not one of them. They know how to manage wealth. They have to in order to support that kickin’ lifestyle surrounded by hoards of smokin’ hot undeads. You can’t sustain that if (more…)
eyes front, people. november 15 has something to say
Posted: November 15, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: 11/11/11, 319, America Recycles Day, Articles of Confederation, humor, November, November 15, Olympics, Prince, random thoughts
I’ve been asked by my November friends to alert you about something which has stretched the limits of our patience. They picked me because today, November 15, is my day. Who better to grab your attention than the one sitting in your lap?
With so much focus heaped on last week’s 11/11/11 the rest of us November days feel pretty damn slighted. Because of a mere quirk of the calendar you people treated 11 with a reverence which was frankly embarrassing. Don’t you have anything better to do than get irrationally excited because a date repeats its digits three times? I have to tell you, the rest of the gang – all twenty-nine of us – are (more…)
a doh! moment
Posted: November 13, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: angry birds, Bob Ross, doh!, doofus, humor, iPhone, life, Louis CK, lovely Ms. Trask, random
For all our visions of sophistication we teeter perilously close to the edge of idiocy. We think we’re brimming with “Wow!” when in fact we’re teeming with “Doh!” Everyone from a graceful dancer to a sizzling musician to a persuasive politician constantly straddles the doofus line. We may try to hide this truth, but it is always ready to slap us down.
Last night we went to dinner at friend’s house. It was a feast of feasts, a cornucopia of culinary creations, an alliterative affair of preposterous (more…)
family dissected, city style
Posted: November 4, 2011 in Humorous BitsTags: Charleston, cities, Dallas, dissected, family, humor, New York, random, San Francisco
A little while back several crackerjack bloggers shared clever and amusing posts which equated states to family and other assorted characters. I believe it started with the delightful H.E. Ellis riffing on her stomping grounds of New England. Then the smart and prolific BrainRants blanketed both the West Coast and Midwest with pithy observations. (I said prolific, didn’t I?) The engaging sandylikeabeach quickly followed with a wonderful breakdown of the multiple personalities contained within her home state of Florida. If I’ve neglected to mention the contributions of other social observers who joined in, I apologize. They say memory is the first thing to go and, all things considered, it could be (more…)
Trask Avenue 