Posts Tagged ‘humor’

rebirth and art

Posted: November 28, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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One innocuous morning you are happily singing along with your favorite Jimmy Buffet tune when it hits you. You’re living the life of a stranger. You’re not a pirate at 40; you’re not even a pirate. You’re an accountant or lawyer or sanitation worker or cop. Far worse, you are at the mercy of everything swirling around you, everything imposed on you by those who are not you. It’s a jarring and life-altering moment, one demanding contemplation and correction.

You scuttle off disoriented to your den, that private retreat where poisons purge from your body, where your spirit (more…)

i’m confused

Posted: November 26, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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We can’t be good at everything. The list of stuff I’m not good at is particularly long and especially amusing. Near the very top sits “Anything to do with home improvement.” I’m not proud when it comes to being the fix-it guy I have more thumbs than the population of China. These are skills I never picked up along life’s journey and, to be perfectly frank, I’m (more…)

guest blogger: Liberty the turkey

Posted: November 24, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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My name is Liberty and thanks to a bit of serendipity I am now a celebrity and, more importantly, here to tell you about it. Along with a spotlight hogging gobbler named Peace I was “pardoned” by President Obama yesterday. This means neither one of us will become the centerpiece of some family’s Thanksgiving meal. Not only that we’re going on a whirlwind publicity tour which culminates in (more…)

you heard it here first

Posted: November 22, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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Oh yes, you know it’s coming. As these things go it’s as certain as J-Lo snagging a new man, Goldman-Sachs doling out obscene holiday bonuses, the guy at the Dunkin’ Donuts only being friendly with women under 25, and the sun being a mass of incandescent gas, a giant nuclear furnace. It’s coming and you better brace yourself.

Sometime on Friday, probably before noon (EST), a story will light up the web that an unfortunately situated (more…)

to do list: jesus of nazareth (undated)

Posted: November 19, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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Ed. Note:  Faithful readers may remember a large collection of artifacts was discovered in the attic of Trask Avenue several months ago. When we recently stumbled upon an extremely fragile parchment tucked in the pages of an early pressing of Cranmer’s “The Institution of a Christian Man” we were understandably excited. After consultation with (more…)

the plight of the modern vampire

Posted: November 17, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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Have you ever seen a destitute vampire, a vampire so impoverished that he dressed in smelly rags and lived in the dumpster outside a poorly rated Chinese takeout joint? I certainly haven’t. Every single one appears to be well-off, like a trust fund baby grown to maturity. Let’s face it. Vampires may be bankrupt in many ways, but financially is not one of them. They know how to manage wealth. They have to in order to support that kickin’ lifestyle surrounded by hoards of smokin’ hot undeads. You can’t sustain that if (more…)

eyes front, people. november 15 has something to say

Posted: November 15, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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I’ve been asked by my November friends to alert you about something which has stretched the limits of our patience. They picked me because today, November 15, is my day. Who better to grab your attention than the one sitting in your lap?

With so much focus heaped on last week’s 11/11/11 the rest of us November days feel pretty damn slighted. Because of a mere quirk of the calendar you people treated 11 with a reverence which was frankly embarrassing. Don’t you have anything better to do than get irrationally excited because a date repeats its digits three times? I have to tell you, the rest of the gang – all twenty-nine of us – are (more…)

a doh! moment

Posted: November 13, 2011 in Humorous Bits
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For all our visions of sophistication we teeter perilously close to the edge of idiocy. We think we’re brimming with “Wow!” when in fact we’re teeming with “Doh!” Everyone from a graceful dancer to a sizzling musician to a persuasive politician constantly straddles the doofus line. We may try to hide this truth, but it is always ready to slap us down.

Last night we went to dinner at friend’s house. It was a feast of feasts, a cornucopia of culinary creations, an alliterative affair of preposterous (more…)

trippy

Posted: November 9, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Pulp Fiction is on in the background which almost makes it impossible to concentrate on what I’m doing. It’s a movie which elicits extreme reactions. I’ve met very few people who responded tepidly to it. It’s love or hate, man. No middle ground. Me, I’m firmly in the “masterpiece” camp. So be it.

Right now Vincent Vega and Mia Wallace are twisting at Jack Rabbit Slim’s. My foot is tapping and my eyes dart back and forth between the screen and the monitor. That John Travolta, man he can certainly dance. He makes me look like a (more…)

guest blogger: Elvis Presley

Posted: November 7, 2011 in Uncategorized
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First off I want to clear something up for all you good folk down there who, bless your hearts, say you see me at the department store every other week. It doesn’t seem to happen as much as it used to, but from what I hear it still happens. I sure appreciate that y’all wish I was around to sing songs for you. I know I would be thrilled if I could, but I can’t. It pains me to repay such kindness by (more…)

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